Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize