I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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