awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
