How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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