Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
