How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
