Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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