He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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