Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
