just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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