i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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