I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
