I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the day after is always just damage control
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
