But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
