I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
