Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
