Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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