WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
