I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
