the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
