I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm both gender and math confused
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
