thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
