I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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