A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
