Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
