Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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