Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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