Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize