do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
