she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
