why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
