i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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