Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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