so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
