i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
then he tried to convert me to islam
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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