it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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