The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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