i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i think i just lost a toe
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
