I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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