I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drunk is a universal language darling
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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