it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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