I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
