entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
