need another drink. this is the easiest way
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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