We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
