i need an iv and a liver transplant
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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