i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
