So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
