based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
