i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize