i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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