It's Friday. Sex?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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