She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
