Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's shark week go big or go home
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
