they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
is it fun? or sober?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
