sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
