i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
