bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
