dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I did not marry a roomba.
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