How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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