I hate all girls vehemently.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
