a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
