I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
