Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
