Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
